Joint custody of intimacy.

And you share intimacy without the sucking, the fucking, the kissing but just as raw, rawer. Locking toes and fingers and staring into each others eyes and birthing an understanding that can't come to total fruition. She spoke about her schizophrenic mother and how when people absent-mindedly call her crazy in reference to her exuberant personality it makes her sad because her mother really is crazy and she isn't, she is merely loud. She spoke about her relationships and how she was thinking about her friends recently and she realised she found each one of them had something about them she utterly despised, some selfish infliction. Aside from me. There was touching and she told me she likes my new haircut and I limped to the bathroom on my broken digits. Did I tell you about the intimacy? God, it was majestic. It was truely awe-inspiring. We were utterly in tune, locked in. We drank a hell of a lot. She saw someone who looked like someone she knew who recently died of cancer and this made her sad for a while and we spoke about all the people we've known who've died and the mood dropped and the feelings were colder, but the intimacy flourished. Birthing of total intimacy without entering each other but at the same time I guess we did enter each other. She spoke about me leaving and she said she wished she could come with me but she couldn't, she has commitments, ties, him. It was said in that tone halfway between serious and playful, that lifts spirits just enough without breaking any real boundaries. We birthed this intimacy and then we had to say goodbye and split and take joint custody of the intimacy and I took little pieces and she took little pieces and this raw emotion continued to live just seperated and it is almost tangible. I swear, thats how real it is. Almost tangible without the sucking, the fucking, the scratching .. just small pieces of contact, enough. People talk about sparks, fucking sparks. I felt real genuine sparks, burning, searing, it was kinetic. Fuck. I woke up and vomited this morning and I could still hold onto my piece of intimacy but alone.